Recognising Abuse
Abuse is not always physical
Abuse is not always physical. It can be subtle, gradual, and difficult to recognise, especially when intertwined with care or dependence.
Am I Being Abused?
Abuse is not always loud or obvious. It often begins quietly, through patterns that make you feel confused, diminished, or unsafe over time.
You may be experiencing abuse if:
- You feel afraid of upsetting your partner
- You constantly second-guess your thoughts or decisions
- You feel smaller, less confident, or less yourself than you used to
- Your needs are repeatedly dismissed or mocked
- You feel trapped, monitored, or controlled
Abuse is not defined by how often it happens, but by patterns of power and control. If something consistently leaves you feeling unsafe, unheard, or diminished, it deserves attention.
Emotional Abuse: Common Signs
Emotional abuse targets your sense of self. It often leaves no visible marks but can be deeply damaging.
Common signs include:
- Being belittled, mocked, or humiliated
- Constant criticism or comparison to others
- Gaslighting (being made to doubt your memory, feelings, or reality)
- Blame-shifting, where you are held responsible for their behaviour
- Withholding affection, silence, or approval as punishment
- Being told you are "too sensitive," "dramatic," or "crazy"
Over time, emotional abuse can erode confidence, clarity, and self-trust.
Financial Control
Financial abuse restricts independence and creates dependence.
This may look like:
- Being denied access to money, bank accounts, or financial information
- Having spending monitored or controlled
- Being forced to account for every expense
- Being prevented from working, studying, or advancing
- Accumulating debt in your name without consent
- Being given "allowances" while another person controls all finances
Financial control is a powerful tool of coercion — it limits choice and makes leaving harder.
Coercive Behaviour
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour designed to dominate, intimidate, or entrap.
It can include:
- Threats (to leave, to harm themselves, to take children, to expose you)
- Monitoring your phone, messages, or whereabouts
- Rules about how you dress, speak, or behave
- Intimidation, pacing, staring, or breaking objects
- Guilt-based manipulation or emotional blackmail
- Creating fear without needing physical violence
Coercive behaviour is about control, not conflict.
Isolation Tactics
Isolation separates you from support, perspective, and safety.
Signs include:
- Discouraging or preventing contact with family and friends
- Creating conflict between you and loved ones
- Constantly questioning or criticising people close to you
- Making you feel guilty for spending time away
- Moving you away from familiar environments
- Becoming angry when you seek outside support
Isolation increases dependence and reduces options — but it is never your fault.
Physical Abuse Indicators
Physical abuse includes any use of force or physical intimidation.
This can involve:
- Hitting, slapping, pushing, choking, or restraining
- Throwing objects or damaging property
- Blocking exits or preventing you from leaving
- Threatening gestures or raised fists
- Injuries explained away or hidden out of fear
- Being forced into physical acts against your will
Physical abuse often escalates over time and can be life-threatening. Even one incident is serious.
If any of this resonates, you are not weak, dramatic, or imagining things.
Recognition is not a commitment — it is simply clarity.
Support, safety, and dignity are not privileges; they are rights.